kill the nice dream
shrinking, shrinking, shrinking
the last light squeezes shut
and I am blinded by dark static
the terrible comfort of what I know
what I have always known.
the snake devours its tail
and I scream in vain
caught in my old roots
once again.
I said I wanted an expanding world
I said I wanted a love that liberates
but I didn't believe in the world
that seemed so bright a moment ago
and destroyed it with my own hands.
too many shiny new things
too much expansion
too much all at once
you know?
at the cost of shedding my own layers
of becoming who I am
I almost sold my soul for a shell.
so here I lie at the bottom of the sea
exhausted, drowned, paralysed
still believing in love
still wanting to romanticise my death
still holding onto the hope of freedom
too afraid to find it.
afraid that opening my eyes
will kill the nice dream.